Because he drags the trash INTO the house rather than out of it
Because even David Copperfield wasn't lame enough to make an aircraft carrier disappear
He hires only the best callow idiots
Because nothing is funnier than Donald Trump recommending a book with blank pages
Because he thinks playing a game of nuclear brinkmanship is just like firing Stephen Baldwin
He's discovered he can destroy properties almost instantly now without having to buy them first
He gets excited about war, chocolate cake, and Maria Bartiromo, in that order
He tweets like he's being catheterized with a Silly Straw
In just three months, his golf vacations have already cost more than 12 years' worth of Bill O&#
Because a romance novel cover model with a glistening, leonine mane of hair is a far more serious pe
