So we're just 100 days into this hot-air buffoon ride and already Donald Trump has said that three really obviously difficult things surprised him because of how super complicated they are: health care reform, getting North Korea to disarm, and being fucking president.
The misfired synapse of the day is brought to you by Reuters, to which Donald Trump recently confessed that he thought being president of the United States would be easier than his old life.
Easier than his old life.
Here's the full jaw-dropping quote: "I loved my previous life. I had so many things going. This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier."
Dude, firing Gary Busey from a pretend company is literally the easiest decision in the world. What the fucking fuck?
Here's a quick thumbnail summary of the rest of the interview: "Derpity-derp, derp, derp, derpity, derpity-derp, look at my maps, driving is fun, derpity derp derp derp."
So ... would you rather live through the rest of this presidency or be forced to watch the second act of King Ralph on a continuous loop for the next four years with no bathroom breaks? That's a trick question, of course: There is no difference.
This is a guy who has to let the Secret Service take the toys out of his Happy Meals because they constitute a clear and present choking hazard, and he — he — thought the job would be simple. This is as clear a proof of Trump's racism and misogyny as anything he's ever said at one of his thinly veiled skinhead rallies. He thought by dint of his white maleness he would automatically do a better job than the black man or, it goes without saying, the woman with 45 years of experience.
Someone at this weekend's White House Correspondents' Dinner needs to joke that there's no way Donald Trump can find his way back to civilization after being dropped in the middle of the Australian Outback. No way! It's impossible! He'd surely starve!
Enjoy the next 100 days of eye-gouging horror. We'll be here to help you sift through the crazy.