Dear Fucking Lunatic: An open letter to Donald Trump
Like most of you, I read Donald Trump’s recent New York Times interview with mouth immutably agape. Then I read this.
Trump has already debunked his own excuse for not making his products in America
The White House has declared this “Made in America Week,” so it’s time once again for the consensus-reality community to point out Donald Tr
He hires only the best callow idiots
So if you were concerned that man-child-in-law Jared Kushner is taking on too much responsibility in the Trump administration and is perilously out of his depth, we've got some great news for you: You're really smart! In case you're too scared shitless to read this entire paragraph, from a revealing Vanity Fair article on the palace intrigue inside the White House, here's the takeaway: Increase your short position on stocks in sectors having anything to do with living humans;
Because he thinks playing a game of nuclear brinkmanship is just like firing Stephen Baldwin
Apparently, some Americans still think Donald Trump might "become presidential." Well, anything might happen. Paris Hilton might sequence her labradoodle's genome. Honey Boo Boo might prove string theory. Flavor Flav might build a commercially viable fusion reactor in his hot tub. But they're reality stars. Don't expect much. Unfortunately, Trump makes Paris Hilton look like Marie Curie. Trump once said he could eliminate the entire national debt in eight years. He seemed gen
He gets excited about war, chocolate cake, and Maria Bartiromo, in that order
So Trump just sat down for an interview with Fox Business Network's Maria Bartiromo, who asked all the tough questions, including "Right," "Yes," and "Absolutely. And the American people know it, I think." She came so close to fellating Trump, you got the sick hunch that Steve and Reince were crouched behind a credenza somewhere nearby fluffing each other with Statler and Waldorf hand puppets in anticipation of their turn. For the most part it was Trump boilerplate: Taking cr
He tweets like he's being catheterized with a Silly Straw
Donald, please accept the following tweeting tips in the spirit in which they're given: While most world leaders wouldn't pay a hooker to pee on you if you were on fire, you're still president of the United States. So even if you're not respected, you will still be heard — loud and clear. Let's dial the rage boner back to around 55 PSI, shall we? You do realize we have a State Department, right? Did Barron steal your Twitter password? If not, could you please give it to him?
