Turns out it’s super easy to review pretty much any location on Google, whether you’ve been there or not. It’s as simple as trashing a multilateral nuclear deal you’ve never read or undermining a comprehensive, multifaceted health care law you never bothered to learn anything about.
For instance, there are dozens of one-star reviews of the Indian Ocean on Google, ranging from “It’s a bit too salty for my tastes” to, simply, “Gross ocean.”
Similarly, there’s an overabundance of bad Google reviews of Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort. Now, it’s certainly possible that some of them aren’t 100 percent legit. That said, the always image-conscious Trump should take note that Mar-a-Lago currently carries a 3.4 rating (out of 5) on Google — just a tick higher than the nearby West Palm Beach Denny’s, which clocks in at 3.2 stars, is open 24 hours, and serves all-day breakfast. And unlike the Mar-a-Lago reviews, the Denny’s write-ups hardly ever mention bedbugs.
To be fair, not everyone hates Mar-a-Lago. Here’s a review from “Mitzi Taylor,” who, for the record, has written only one Google review and is certain that every bad review of Mar-a-Lago is “fake news”:
“This place is fabulous in every way! A total 5 star experience, you will not be disappointed. Don't believe a single bad review, they are ALL fake and lying from people who have never been to Mar-a-Lago.”
Mitzi Taylor could very well be a real person, but she sounds suspiciously like Donald J. Trump: “Fabulous?” “A total 5 star experience?” “You will not be disappointed?” Classic Trump braggadocio. And don’t forget that Trump has been caught hiding behind aliases to heap praise on himself before. On the other hand, there are no misspellings or unnecessary quotation marks in the review, so who knows?
So enjoy these saucy one-star reviews of Mar-a-Lago. And when you’re done, feel free to add a review of your own if — and only if — you’ve actually visited the resort:
“Meh. Not a great value. I've played better public courses and had just as good food for way less. I didn't notice any bedbugs like some other reviewers but definitely not worth the price.”
“Someone here gave me the nuclear codes. Didn't ask for them though; service is garbage. Probably more interested in their Russian clientele. Sad!”
“Really not all the great. Expensive, lackluster cuisine, poorly thought through design. Also as a taxpayer I expect there to be a higher standard for a venue subsidized by the president. I guess you can't buy class.”
“My room smelled like cat pee. Mold on the ceiling. Food was ok. Staff were rude and unhelpful. I wouldn't go back.”
“This place always smells like feet whenever I come here.”
“Very dirty, sad, where elegance is concerned, the Mar-a-Lago Club falls embarrassingly short. Sub-par liquor and wine was the order of the day and I have had gas station hot dogs with more flavor than what they try to pass as cuisine. For a luxury stay in the Florida sun, I suggest you go elsewhere.”
“the whole place reeked of borscht and vodka.”
“Called during business hours but it rang for two minutes and no one picked up. What the hell kind of customer service is that? Do they not have multiple phone lines? Is no one manning the front desk? Please, get it together.”
“Tried to call to make a reservation but no one would answer the phone. Like how do you run a business like this? Don't get what all the hype is about. Also traffic trying to get there is just awful, what is with all these protestors? Really not the experience I was looking for. Sorry but I'll spend my money else where, not what I'd consider luxury by any means.”
“Bugs. Gross. Cheep. Gaudy.”
“Run down and ugly”
“Chocolate Cake tasted a little bigoted”
“I hate mar a lago this place is a suburban hell filled with trash”
“Too expensive for the experience, and very boring.”
“A weak attempt at a golf course. Lousy service. SAD!”