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Calling Trump a man-baby is grossly unfair to both men and babies

May 16, 2017

1. Men are not this callow, stupid, impulsive, fraudulent, meretricious, or hypocritical. 

2. Babies are innocent, and their hands are supposed to be that size.

 

Hillary Clinton, whom both the press and the Republican establishment excoriated for close to two years over her private email server, apparently had it wrong. Instead of keeping a treasure trove of anodyne and/or overclassified material on your computer, you're supposed to walk up to our enemies and blurt out highly classified secrets. Then throw your hands in the air and say, "Fuck you, losers. I'm president."

 

Here's the best plan going forward: Nothing in the Constitution says the president can't be a cryogenically frozen head whose brain is synced with an iPhone. If the West Wing has an urgent question that Siri can't answer — e.g., "what's a good nickname for a quadriplegic Iraqi war veteran who gave a one-star Yelp review to the ahi tuna at Mar-a-Lago?" — they can turn on the "Trump" feature.

 

It should be as sparingly used as your Myspace app. 

 

 

 

 

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