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All of Trump's 'accomplishments' just prove he's a dick

A couple of days ago, chronic IBS symptom and interim president Donald J. Trump tweeted thusly:

Let’s parse that tweet one item at a time.

1) Why is “The Fake News” capitalized? Is it now an official news consortium, like the Associated Press? Does it have its own stylebook that requires reporters to randomly uppercase words just because the idiot in charge thinks it looks right that way?

2) S.C.: Let’s see, Mitch McConnell stole a Supreme Court seat from Obama, someone handed Trump a list of lunatic conservatives to pick from, someone else pointed at Neil Gorsuch’s name and said, “Pick that one,” Trump said, “Fine,” and Trump promptly resumed swallowing cheeseburger Hot Pockets whole like a deranged pelican. How is that an accomplishment exactly?

3) For the last time, Donald Trump is not responsible for the surging job market and economy. For one thing, job growth is actually down under Trump compared to the past seven years of Obama’s tenure. For another, Obama handed Trump an economy that was doing so well the Fed had to raise interest rates in December before Trump was inaugurated. Trump’s “accomplishment” is convincing millions of racists that a white guy is more qualified to do a job than a black guy. Not exactly a heavy lift. Oh, and he’s also allowing coal companies to dump waste into streams before their industry dies. *Applause*

4) If you're a shitty xenophobe who dropped six figures studying to be a migrant worker and now can’t find a job, the decrease in attempted border crossings probably warms your shitty heart. If you’re a compassionate human being, stories like this one from Mother Jones, which details all the ways the Trump administration is making life a horror show for asylum seekers fleeing violence, will convince you that Donald Trump is an even bigger dick than you thought.

5) Does “military security” have something to do with Trump’s proposed military spending increase? If so, someone needs to remind him that we already spend more on defense than the next seven countries combined. Of course, if you think it’s more important to keep middle-aged Marines turgid than to keep poor people alive, you’re just a dick.

6) Regarding ISIS, it turns out that Trump’s “secret plan” for defeating the terrorist group is to steal Obama’s plan and hope no one notices. One notable difference between the two presidents’ records, however, is that Trump is eliminating fewer top ISIS leaders. (According to this Newsweek story, the number “has tapered off from 80 in the final six months of Obama’s presidency to just 50 since Trump took office; a sign that the strategy developed by Trump’s predecessor is working, according to several U.S. officials.”) Oh, and Trump is killing four and a half times as many civilians. Dick.

7) MS-13 is a brutal, ruthless gang that Donald Trump has yelled at. That’s pretty much it.

This excerpt sums up Trump’s “accomplishment” fairly well:

"[I]nterviews with the people who have actually fought the gang Trump fan Oliver North calls 'the ISIS of the Western Hemisphere' paint a picture of a spiraling problem compounded by a legacy of local corruption and brutality. One thing they generally agree on is that Trump's bellicose rhetoric and his attorney general Jeff Sessions’ policies have yet to change anything in the area."

So, yeah, Trump has accomplished next to nothing in six months other than preserve Obamacare for millions of Americans through his historic ineptitude.

That’s something at least.

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