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Trump thinks the FBI has magical powers to prove that he never hired any hookers

It's tempting at times to suspect Donald Trump is some kind of shrewd Machiavelli who's galvanized a powerful bloc of moron voters by pretending to be as stupid as they are.

But Ockham's razor and the weight of the available evidence compel the opposite conclusion: He really is this dumb.

Exhibit No. 12,845 (or thereabouts): He thinks the FBI can somehow prove that the most damaging allegations in the notorious Steele dossier are false. Now, Trump went to college, so you'd think he'd have this down. Among the things it's possible to ascertain with a high degree of certainty is whether human activity is affecting global weather patterns. Among the things it is not possible to prove is whether golden showers rained down in an unidentified Moscow hotel room during an unknown window of time. Doppler radar is just not that powerful.

This is philosophy 101.

James Comey knows that, but apparently Trump doesn't.

Comey has released the prepared opening remarks he will make prior to his testimony before the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence tomorrow, and a few passages are worth noting.

Here's Comey's recollection of a January 27 dinner with Trump, in which the president brought up the unverified allegations in the Steele dossier:

"During the dinner, the President returned to the salacious material I had briefed him about on January 6 [presumably information from the Steele dossier], and, as he had done previously, expressed his disgust for the allegations and strongly denied them. He said he was considering ordering me to investigate the alleged incident to prove it didn’t happen [emphasis added]. I replied that he should give that careful thought because it might create a narrative that we were investigating him personally, which we weren’t, and because it was very difficult to prove a negative. He said he would think about it and asked me to think about it."

And here's part of Comey's summary of a March 30 phone call with the president:

"On the morning of March 30, the President called me at the FBI. He described the Russia investigation as 'a cloud' that was impairing his ability to act on behalf of the country. He said he had nothing to do with Russia, had not been involved with hookers in Russia, and had always assumed he was being recorded when in Russia. He asked what we could do to 'lift the cloud.' I responded that we were investigating the matter as quickly as we could, and that there would be great benefit, if we didn’t find anything, to our having done the work well. He agreed, but then re-emphasized the problems this was causing him."

Now, for once, Trump is right about something — it really was unfair that the salacious contents of the Steele dossier were made public even though they had never been verified. But why can't Trump let it go? Be a man and quit whining. This kind of stuff goes with the territory.

After all, a small handful of completely irresponsible lunatic-fringe assholes with not a shred of evidence to support their claims continually implied Barack Obama was not a legitimate president because he was supposedly born in Kenya. And these same assholes refused to "lift the cloud" even after Obama released his official long-form birth certificate.

Here are some of the things one such asshole said even after Obama had already released his long-form certificate:

(Source: Failing FAKE NEWS website

"He didn't know he was running for president, so he told the truth. The literary agent wrote down what he said ... He said he was born in Kenya and raised in Indonesia ... Now they're saying it was a mistake. Just like his Kenyan grandmother said he was born in Kenya, and she pointed down the road to the hospital, and after people started screaming at her, she said, 'Oh, I mean Hawaii.' Give me a break."

"A lot of people do not think it was an authentic certificate. ... Many people do not think it was authentic. His mother was not in the hospital. There are many other things that came out. And frankly if you would report it accurately I think you'd probably get better ratings than you're getting."

"An 'extremely credible source' has called my office and told me that @BarackObama's birth certificate is a fraud."

— From an August 6, 2012 tweet

"Was it a birth certificate? You tell me. Some people say that was not his birth certificate. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. I'm saying I don't know. Nobody knows."

"How amazing, the State Health Director who verified copies of Obama's 'birth certificate' died in plane crash today. All others lived."

— From a December 12, 2013 tweet

"Well, I don't know — did he do it? ... Well, a lot of people don't agree with you and a lot of people feel it wasn't a proper certificate."

"There are three things that could happen. And one of them did happen. He was perhaps born in Kenya. Very simple, okay? He was perhaps born in this country. But said he was born in Kenya because if you say you were born in Kenya, you got aid and you got into colleges. People were doing that. So perhaps he was born in this country, and that has a very big chance. Or, you know, who knows?"

"Who knows about Obama? ... Who knows, who knows? Who cares right now?... I have my own theory on Obama. Someday I will write a book, I will do another book, and it will do very successfully."

Of course, you've probably guessed who that asshole was. Yes, it's the same whiny toddler who is so concerned about unverified assertions and innuendo now that he's caught in the crossfire.

So why didn't Obama ask the FBI director to refute these outrageous claims? Because no evidence exists that could prove his birth certificate wasn't a clever forgery created by one-world-government Freemasons using alien technology recovered from Roswell.

Because Barack Obama knew what James Comey and the rest of the educated world knows — you can't prove a negative, you moron.

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