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Trump hires DOJ prostitute to pee on Obama's legacy

September 6, 2017

 

*With sincere apologies to prostitutes.

 

Is there a sadder human being on the planet right now than Jeff Sessions? He’s allowed his boss to mercilessly bully him only because he loves that his job gives him endless opportunities to humiliate those less fortunate. That’s the pitiful tale of every bully ever — Dad beats me up, so I’m going to whale on the shy foreign exchange student.

 

Yesterday, Sessions took Trump’s strap-on dildo out of his mouth long enough to shatter the dreams of 800,000 hardworking young people, and word is that he was instrumental in nudging Trump in the direction of more racism — which, granted, is the easiest job in the world this side of whatever Ivanka does.

 

In his speech announcing the rescinding of DACA, Sessions made a show of respecting the rule of law and our tripartite government, but his words rang hollow.

 

He called Obama’s DACA program “an unconstitutional exercise of authority by the executive branch.”

 

  1. It’s not unconstitutional. “Unconstitutional” means different things to different people — and the courts (part of our tripartite government, by the way) ultimately decide who’s right — but it sure as hell doesn’t mean “everything Obama did for the past eight years.”

  2. Does this mean Trump is going to finally stop bragging about how many executive orders he’s signed?

  3. What kind of asshole kicks hundreds of thousands of young people out of the only country they’ve ever known? It’s like blindfolding Trump and dropping him somewhere other than a Wendy’s or a golf course. 

And on a mostly unrelated note, if you’ve placed your bet in Vegas on “hell yes there’s a Trump pee tape,” you’ll be heartened by this story, which is currently percolating up from the rich loamy soil of the not-quite-mainstream media.

 

Here’s just a taste to whet your appetite:

 

The so-called “pee tape,” an alleged video recording of Donald Trump in a highly compromising situation with prostitutes in a Russian hotel room, may actually exist and multiple witnesses say so — according to a bombshell report by award-winning BBC correspondent Paul Wood in an article published in August, but just receiving widespread notice today.

 

Take it with a very large grain of salt, but if Trump ultimately is undone by a golden showers scandal, imagine the possibilities it will open up for new statues down South. Now that would be a part of history worth preserving. Indeed, if we’re really lucky, in 100 years “pee” and “Moscow hookers” will be the only three words Americans ever think of when

Trump’s name is mentioned.

 

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