After Donald Trump Jr. admitted yesterday that he’d taken a meeting with a Kremlin-connected lawyer in hopes of securing information helpful to his dad’s campaign, The Daily Beast ran a story alleging that Trump campaign insiders had long ago taken to calling him “Fredo” in reference to Vito Corleone’s dim bulb of a son.
That’s an apt sobriquet, but an even better one might be “Derp Throat.” For while Nixon was taken down with an assist from the long-mysterious Deep Throat, the Trump boys are being undone by their own bottomless stupidity.
Remember Donald Trump admitting to NBC’s Lester Holt that he fired FBI Director James Comey because of the “Russia thing” — in one fell swoop unraveling an expertly spun web of official White House lies?
Remember Trump being gobsmacked by the reaction to the Comey firing because he thought the move would be greeted with hosannas?
Remember how Trump’s combative, unhinged tweets led to the appointment of the special prosecutor who may ultimately destroy his presidency?
To quote Jamie Lee Curtis’ character in A Fish Called Wanda: “Now was that smart, was it shrewd, was it good tactics, or was it stupid?”
But while The Godfather’s Fredo and A Fish Called Wanda’s Otto West are appropriate fictional stand-ins for Don Jr. and Don Sr. (“Apes don’t watch Fox & Friends!” “Yes they do, Donald; they just don’t understand it!”), the family as a whole is more like the Simpsons.
Recall the ninth-season Simpsons episode “Lisa the Simpson” in which Lisa worries that her intellect will begin to deteriorate as she ages. Eventually she meets numerous accomplished Simpson women and discovers that the stupidity-causing “Simpson gene” affects only Simpson men.
Does that same chromosomal anomaly afflict the Trump family?
Think about it. Trump’s sister Maryanne Trump Barry is a judge for the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 3rd Circuit. Her brother is a dunce who doesn’t know how to use quotation marks.
Ivanka can speak for seconds at a time without saying anything mindbogglingly inappropriate or stupid. Donald Jr. thinks Syrian refugees are like Skittles.
This thesis demands more study, of course. But since this is America, where 41 percent of the population believes humans lived with dinosaurs, proving the theory could only make it less popular. So instead of subjecting it to academic peer review, we’ll conduct an American-style peer review (i.e., post it to Facebook and try to collect more likes than “ha has” and angry faces).
It’s food for thought, though. Much like donuts. Or floor pie.