It's official. We are now a rogue nation.
Donald Trump, who thinks ineffective hairspray is a bigger threat to our planet than a depleted ozone layer, has withdrawn the U.S. from the Paris Accord on climate change.
More than 14,000 peer-reviewed academic papers on anthropogenic climate change have officially been supplanted by RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: PROOF THAT GLOBOL WARMING IS A HAOX!!!!!!!
Your drunk, Hillary-hating uncle who sends you bizarre email forwards and invites you to strip clubs at lunchtime on random weekdays now delights in knowing his views are perfectly represented in Washington. His Oval Office avatar has just decided that America will proudly lead the way — chin forward with eyes fixed firmly on what would be the horizon if we could see it through the particulate matter — to our future post-apocalyptic hellscape. Because if not us, who?
Trump claims the Paris Accord is unfair to our country, and he wants to put America first. Well, we're nearly first in both total carbon emissions and carbon emissions per capita. So that's something to shoot for, huh? It's like we're all in a plane that needs to dump some weight to keep us from crashing, and the heaviest passenger refuses to ditch his Jet Ski and Bud Light pony keg. Whooooo! It's not a party until the first Bangladeshi drowns! Jet Ski! Jet Ski! Jet Ski!
Perhaps the most galling part of today's disgraceful stunt came at the end when Scott Pruitt, the amazing environment-hating Environmental Protection Agency administrator, said this:
"America finally has a leader who answers only to the people — not to the special interests who have had their way for way too long."
Special interests? You mean all carbon-based life forms apart from oil company executives and bacteria living in volcanoes?
America is first: First in stupidity, first in ignorance, first in arrogance, first in recklessness, first in pseudoscience.
Let's just hope Mar-a-Lago is the first part of the planet to sink into the ocean.