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Because Hillary's popular-vote win is the new Rosie O'Donnell

May 3, 2017

We've intimated before that Donald Trump has read only two books — one by Hitler and one with no words — but that's obviously an exaggeration. He's clearly read Dale Carnegie's seminal work "How to Win Friends and Influence People With Vladimir Putin's Balls in Your Mouth."

 

There's no other way to explain these deranged tweets.

Okay, that's so divorced from reality there's no point in refuting it. The only appropriate response is to move on to something else, like a teacher whose student raises his hand and says climate change is a Chinese hoax, or the square root of 9 is farts.

 

Trump apparently fired off these tweets after hearing Hillary tell CNN's Christiane Amanpour that Comey's 11th hour decision to reopen the FBI's investigation into her private email server likely cost her the election

 

Maybe it did, maybe it didn't. (Hint: It did.) That's not important anymore. The important thing is Trump can't let it go. The fact that Hillary won roughly 3 million more votes than Trump is absolutely killing him.

 

So here's the takeaway: We need to weaponize Hillary Clinton. Just throw her out there to say crazy shit about Trump 24/7. Doesn't matter what it is. She can make it up. "Ivanka told me his penis looks like a factory-rejected Twizzler." Whatever. The DNC can workshop some stuff. He will melt the fuck down.

 

Hillary, you may yet save us all.

 

 

 

 

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