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He tweets like he's being catheterized with a Silly Straw

Donald, please accept the following tweeting tips in the spirit in which they're given:

  • While most world leaders wouldn't pay a hooker to pee on you if you were on fire, you're still president of the United States. So even if you're not respected, you will still be heard — loud and clear. Let's dial the rage boner back to around 55 PSI, shall we?

  • You do realize we have a State Department, right?

  • Did Barron steal your Twitter password? If not, could you please give it to him?

  • Why are you tweeting at 5:03 a.m.? According to, the optimum time for tweeting hostile, insane shit at unstable dictators who want to kill us all is 9:30 a.m.

  • What's with the "U.S.A." chant? Just because you have no understanding of foreign policy and only pay attention to it once every four years, that doesn't make it the World Cup. You still have to do normal president stuff, even if you are president of the idiot half of America.

Thanks for listening. Talk to you later.

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